Berlin-sick

Sorry again for the long delay in posting. Of course my last weeks in Berlin were stressful and busy and I still don't think I've collected all my thoughts since then. A lot has happened.

The biggest thing, of course: My year in Berlin is over. I returned home to Tennessee on Thursday after a simply incredible year. It was extremely hard to say goodbye. I miss it so much. I miss everyone so much.

I didn't really understand what "reverse culture shock" is all about until I was over the Atlantic and really realizing that I just left behind everything I had lived and breathed for a whole year - and most importantly, such incredible relationships. I had a family there in Berlin, and I had to leave them, and I don't know exactly when I'll see them again. Having been home twice during my year abroad, I didn't really get the whole reverse culture shock thing because it didn't seem that weird to me when I came home for Christmas or my brother's graduation. But it's totally different when you come home and know that you're not going back (at least not for awhile). Home feels comfortable but it somehow doesn't feel *right*. At least for me.

And I'm somewhat confident that the reason for that is that I don't really belong in Brentwood. I really am a "stranger and a guest" in this place - God definitely wants me somewhere else. And I don't imagine Philadelphia being too much different.

Living in Berlin for a whole year was so incredible because I really knew that it was where God wanted me to be. I think it's the first place I've ever fallen in love with - usually I only fall in love with the people. And most of my love for Berlin is for the people I know there, but it was such a neat feeling to live in a place where I didn't think all the time, "I love these people, but I know I can't stay here." I miss feeling that way. It makes it very hard to come back, going from a place that felt right, where I felt like my life was moving forward, and returning to what feels like the "old life".

I also just miss those people like crazy - my church... it was just so amazing. To be part of a family... I miss everyone, I miss people's quirks, I miss the kids running around, I miss... everthing about them. And I'm simply humbled by the way that they loved me. These are things I will treasure in my heart forever.

Last Sunday was really beautiful. Timo, Manu, Ingrid and Gabi prayed for me, and they gave me a few gifts - a book they made, where each family has a page with pictures and notes, and a Berlin purse with Ampelmann gummies in it! - and Timo said the kindest words. And there was a special lunch afterward - we "grilled" sausages and had potato salad and other German specialties. Thursday morning the Heimlichs, Tobi, Gerard, Micha, and Austin came to the airport to see me off. I knew that a few of them were planning to come, but not all of them, and certainly not Timo and the kids! They had even said goodbye to me the night before as if it was the last goodbye, but there they were when I walked in! It was incredible. I miss them all so much.

Don't get me wrong, home is nice too. But I just absolutely loved my year in Berlin, and it's hard to come to grips with the fact that it's over, and I have to wait before I can return. I guess we'll see what God has in store next. I really do hope it'll be in Germany... preferably Berlin...

I'm incredibly thankful for it all.