Cultural differences... or is it something deeper?

I had a really interesting conversation with Tobi today. I don't remember exactly how it started, but it was about conversation... haha yes, a conversation about conversation...

I've noticed that in conversations with other people, Tobi tends to ask much more direct questions /slash/ deeper questions. It is commonly known that in America, "How are you?" is not usually a real question, it's just a polite greeting (the proper response is, "Good, you?" or, if you're a college student, "I'm okay, a little tired, how are you?"). In Germany and many other countries, however, it's not just a greeting--it's a real question. Yes, people then ask this question a bit more selectively, but when they ask it, they are (generally) genuinely interested in the person's response, which can be as thorough or concise as one chooses.

Consequently, I've found that in Germany people come to "deeper" subject matters more quickly than they do back home in the States. Particularly with friends, people pretty much skip the small talk. There isn't really a pressure to share more about one's personal life than one really wishes to share, but there's an understanding that when someone asks how you are, they want to know how you really are. They're not just trying to pass the time by exchanging formalities.

I find that people here also then tend to be more open about the "heavier" subjects which are seldom discussed in America. Today a couple in the church had their niece with them, who is about our age and had a baby between 11th and 12th grade. The baby wasn't there, so we wouldn't have known if she hadn't told us, but just through normal conversation it came up and she said it rather openly and talked about some of the difficult decisions she has to make right now. I was struck not only by her openness, but also by Tobi's genuine interest, the way he asked questions not to probe, but because he cared somehow. He did the same thing when we went to dinner with my friend Suzy after she went with us to the church in Prenzlauer Berg. He asked her very freely, "What did you think of the service tonight?" and "Did you grow up with any kind of religion in your family?" without it being some hushed subject matter that one only brought up subtly or else simply avoided. And seeing his genuine interest, she opened up and shared a lot with us. It was as simple as that.

It made me ask myself, "Why do I always make it so complicated?" Why do I find such questions so awkward, and when I ask someone how they're doing, am I really interested in their response?

It also made me wonder how the question "How are you?" got to be just a polite thing to say in the U.S. What does it say about us that we've somehow hidden ourselves behind the small talk? Why are we so afraid of people's answers? Another thing I've found somewhat striking here is that my pastor here will frequently ask me on a Sunday afternoon what I thought of the service that morning. Tobi asks me that too. And neither of them just want to hear me say, "It was good." Even if it would bring criticism, they're interested. I think that is something to be valued.

How would my life--how would our lives--be different, if we weren't afraid to ask? If we wanted to ask? If we were so genuinely interested?